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the best office holiday party date story of all time

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This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A couple of years ago, someone shared what I consider to be the best holiday date story of all time, and it must be shared here again. Enjoy:

When I was fresh out of college, a dude in my social circle invited me to his fancy work Christmas party. He was a teacher, so I’d kind of assumed I was there as friend to act as a buffer between well-intentioned female colleagues who wanted to set him up with one another, with their daughters, etc. I was wrong! This invitation to a work Christmas party was meant to be the first date of a magical relationship between two people destined to be together. Why a magical relationship? When I opened the door, he said he’d hope we’d have a magical night leading to a magical relationship. Then HE DID A MAGIC TRICK. I was… startled.

The party was at a country club, where he drove around and around looking for a space while I said “they have valet. it’s only valet” over and over. Inside there was a coat check. He didn’t want to leave his coat–because there were additional magic tricks secreted inside. We went in, got our drink tickets and our seating assignment. I sat down at a table that was mostly single women several years older than we were. He offered to get me a drink, and I asked for a glass of any kind of wine. He came back several minutes later with a mudslide because girls love mudslides, because they’re chocolate and girls love chocolate. I don’t. But he tried! That’s sweet! Right? Over dinner, I tried to make that sort of general polite conversation people make around banquet tables with strangers. He kept jostling my arm to get my attention to show me another magic trick.

At the beginning of the evening, I really thought we were casual friends, but I was single and kind of open to dating this guy if we got on well. Maybe that hokey line was a story we’d tell our grandchildren! But it was becoming increasingly clear that this guy was Not for Me. That didn’t mean I wanted to embarrass him in front of his principal, though. I finally said something like, “Would you mind terribly saving those for after dinner? I’m really interested in hearing more about Harriet’s begonias, aren’t you?”

He pushed his chair back and stalked across the ballroom to a piano. He plopped down and proceeded to pound out an assortment of sad pop hits. There was Muzak-y Christmas music, but he was gonna play the piano anyway. At this point, I was embarrassed to have come with this guy. My tablemates were embarrassed for me. One of them left and came back with the glass of wine I’d asked for initially. I drank it while the middle aged ladies at our table told me all about their various bad dates. More wine showed up. Then someone asked if I like martinis and brought a martini. Apparently none of them drank, and, as my date played “You’re So Vain” while staring mournfully at me, I drank my way through pretty much all their drink tickets. I am an effusively nice drunk person. I told each and every one of these women that they were beautiful angels shaping tomorrow’s great minds to recognize the power of sisterhood and human kindness. Or something to that general effect. My memory is a bit fuzzy, for obvious, gin-based reasons.

My date wanted to leave, so I went to coat check. I tipped the coat check person, and he reached in the tip jar to fish out my money. I thought he was going to pay the tip. Nope. He told me coat check is free. I said I know. I put my tip back in the jar and sidestepped him when he tried to help with my jacket. His department chair and her husband appeared and said that my apartment was on their way and they’d be happy to drive me. I told them they were “hashtag relationship goals” and made an actual hashtag with my fingers.

I was driven home by way of Taco Bell by these very nice strangers. A week later, the guy called to say his work friends loved me and would I like to go out again. I would not.

A few years later, a friend was telling me about a legendary party her school hosted before she got a job there. A girl nobody knew got plastered and told everyone she loved and appreciated them while her boyfriend played the piano at her and drowned out the Christmas music. I did not reveal my identity. Maybe there’re two of us? I hope there’re two of us.

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angelchrys
1 day ago
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Overland Park, KS
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BREAKING: Missouri Governor Frees Eric DeValkenaere, the First White Cop in KC History Convicted for Lynching a Black Person

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**Update: An earlier version of this article used the word “pardon” as opposed to “commute” or “freed.” We have updated it throughout the piece.**

JEFFERSON CITY, MO – Missouri Governor Mike Parson has reduced the already lenient six-year sentence of Eric DeValkenaere, the white KCPD detective convicted of executing Cameron Lamb in his own backyard in December 2019. While this commutation doesn’t erase DeValkenaere’s historic conviction – it ensures the killer cop will walk free after serving a fraction of his sentence.

This is nothing short of a declaration of war against, and a license to kill Black people in Missouri.

“This reprehensible act speaks volumes about Parson’s priorities,” wrote Gwen Grant in a scathing statement to The Defender, “clemency for a white former officer who took a Black life yet continued refusal to grant clemency for wrongfully convicted Black men like Kevin Strickland and Marcellus Williams.”

Kansas City residents deserve to know why a governor would use his final days in office to reinforce the message that police officers who kill Black citizens will face no real consequences in Missouri. – Gwen Grant, CEO & President of the Urban League of Kansas City

The System Working Exactly As Designed

To be crystal clear: DeValkenaere’s conviction was more than historic – it was in fact a statistical miracle in a system designed to protect white cops who murder Black people. In KCPD’s 145+ year reign of terror, he was the first and only white cop ever convicted for killing a Black person. Now, even that singular moment of accountability has been snatched away by a governor who has shown us exactly whose lives he values.

DeValkenaere was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and armed criminal action in November 2021 – a conviction that exposed the deadly consequences of KCPD’s unconstitutional tactics. Judge J. Dale Youngs concluded that DeValkenaere had no legal right to be on Lamb’s property when he and his partner invaded Lamb’s backyard without a warrant, probable cause, or permission.

The prosecution’s case revealed how DeValkenaere recklessly gunned down Lamb, who was simply backing his truck into his own garage. While DeValkenaere’s defense team tried to justify the killing by claiming Lamb had pointed a gun at his partner, this story fell apart under scrutiny – DeValkenaere’s own partner gave contradicting testimony that undermined their attempted cover-up.

“The court is further compelled to find beyond a reasonable doubt that when defendant shot and killed Cameron Lamb, number one, defendant was not acting in lawful self-defense,” Youngs stated in his ruling. “Number two, defendant was not acting in lawful defense of Sgt. Schwalm.”

Despite DeValkenaere’s desperate attempts to escape accountability, multiple courts saw through the thin blue line of protection. The appellate courts upheld his conviction in October 2023, and the Missouri Supreme Court rejected his appeal in March 2024. Even a federal court ruled in September 2024 that DeValkenaere had no legal right to invade Lamb’s property before killing him.

The Cruel Theater of “Justice”

While Parson rushes to free a convicted killer cop, let’s remember he recently allowed the execution of Marcellus Williams – a Black man who was unquestioningly innocent. As the Missouri NAACP powerfully states:

“Marcellus Williams, a man convicted on insufficient evidence, was executed on September 24, 2024, over the objections of the local prosecutor and after a circuit court found he was likely innocent. Meanwhile, Eric DeValkenaere tampered with a crime scene after killing a man in his own backyard, and Governor Parson is talking about making sure he gets home for Christmas.”

The Machine of State Violence

DeValkenaere’s actions that day were a perfect expression of what policing in America truly is. After shooting brother Lamb, he didn’t render aid or show an ounce of human decency. Instead, he blocked emergency medical services for 14 excruciating minutes, ensuring Lamb would die on his own property, just feet from where he should have been safe.

For Black people in Missouri, this sends a chilling message as we descend further into an era of emboldened fascism and white supremacy: not even your own backyard is sacred ground. The state’s machinery of violence will attempt to invade any space, violate any right, and desecrate any sanctuary where Black people dare to exist.

Thus, we must take heed of this message and remain vigilant – organizing our communities, protecting our people, and building power that can stand against this rising tide of state violence. Our survival demands nothing less.

“I am asking that you respect the rule of law, as I have always done,” pleaded Laurie Bey, Lamb’s mother, before the commutation. “A man found guilty… should not be pardoned. It’s not the right thing to do.”

But in a system built on white supremacy, even a mother’s grief carries less weight than a white killer cop’s comfort.

The Mask Comes Off

Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker, who secured the original conviction, has faced vicious attacks from police unions and their political allies for daring to prosecute a white officer. “I’ve been a prosecutor for 28 years. I don’t respond to someone that debases my 28 years in a variety of different ways with one word,” Baker stated, pushing back against claims her office was “woke” for simply doing its job.

This commutation comes as KCPD remains under federal investigation for its systemic racism and discrimination – ranking among the nation’s five worst police departments. But the plain truth is that no federal oversight will save us from a system that’s rotten to its core.

The Path Forward

For Cameron Lamb’s family, this commutation is another brutal reminder that in America, justice remains a privilege reserved for the white and powerful.

But for our movement, this moment crystallizes what we’ve long known – reform is a dead end, a band-aid on a system designed to crush Black life. The only path forward is the complete abolition of the police state and the entire carceral machine that protects killer cops while criminalizing Black existence.

We are far past the point of asking this system to deliver justice – it’s functioning exactly as designed.

The real question is: how long will we allow this machinery of white supremacist terrorism to operate? The time has come to dismantle these institutions of oppression and build in their place a world where Black people can truly live free, where mothers don’t have to fear their children will be gunned down in their own backyards, and where our communities protect and sustain themselves.

The post BREAKING: Missouri Governor Frees Eric DeValkenaere, the First White Cop in KC History Convicted for Lynching a Black Person appeared first on The Kansas City Defender.

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angelchrys
5 days ago
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Overland Park, KS
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Kansas gets an F in gun legislation, national report says

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Proposed legislation in the U.S. House would raise the age of purchasing semiautomatic rifles from 18 to 21, create new requirements for storing guns in a home with children, prevent gun trafficking, require all firearms to be traceable, and close the loophole on bump stocks, among other things. (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Potential buyers try out guns which are displayed on an exhibitor’s table during the Nation’s Gun Show on Nov. 18, 2016 at Dulles Expo Center in Chantilly, Virginia. (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

TOPEKA — Nearly 500 people die annually in Kansas from gun violence, and the state ranks low in gun legislation, according to a yearly ranking.

Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence, a national gun safety nonprofit, gave Kansas an F grade for gun regulation in its annual scorecard that evaluates the strength of the 50 states’ firearm laws.

The strength of Kansas’ gun laws ranks among the lowest in the country at 42nd.

“Kansas has some of the weakest laws in the country when it comes to gun violence, which is why we gave it an F this year,” said Emma Brown, executive director of the center, in a Tuesday news release.

She continued: “Gun violence is now the No. 1 killer of children in the United States. That is unacceptable.”

The report pointed to Kansas’ lack of universal background checks, legislation involving “gun industry accountability” and violence intervention programs. It also recommended the Legislature repeal “stand your ground” laws, which permit people to use deadly force if they believe it’s to defend themselves.

Kansas excels in only one category — mental health reporting — according to the center. State officials are required to abide by certain mental health record reporting requirements, which can be used when evaluating firearm transfers. Often, mental health reporting is submitted to a national database when courts order treatment or an involuntary commitment to a psychiatric facility.

The center drew a correlation between weakened gun laws and increases in gun deaths across the country. Kansas sees almost 17 gun deaths per 100,000 people or 473 deaths annually. The highest rate is 29 per 100,000 in Mississippi and the lowest is around 4 per 100,000 in Massachusetts.

A February mass shooting that left one person dead and more than a dozen others injured at a Kansas City parade celebrating the Chiefs Super Bowl win was a signal to some Missouri and Kansas lawmakers either to restrict or loosen state gun laws. 

“In 2024, 28 states passed 88 gun safety laws, bringing the total number of new gun safety laws since the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012 to over 700,” the center’s report said.

Kansas was not one of those states.

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angelchrys
7 days ago
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Overland Park, KS
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The quickly disappearing web

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Michelle Rohn / The Verge

The internet is forever. But also, it isn’t. What happens to our culture when websites start to vanish at random?

Read the full story at The Verge.

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angelchrys
7 days ago
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Overland Park, KS
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Last-Ditch Climate Change Report Provides Locations Of Weapons, Current Whereabouts Of Oil Executives - The Onion

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NEW YORK—In a desperate, perhaps final attempt to prevent the earth’s temperatures from rising to catastrophic levels, a last-ditch climate change report issued Tuesday by the U.N. includes nothing more than the whereabouts of top oil executives and directions to secret weapons caches. “For decades, we have failed in our efforts to spur action by describing in rigorous scientific detail the ways in which global warming will cause widespread misery for billions of innocent people, and so this time we have taken a different approach,” read the report, a 500-page directory that simply lists the names and addresses of key players in the fossil fuel industry, along with the precise coordinates of several bunkers containing extensive stockpiles of firearms without serial numbers. “We have provided the security codes necessary to bypass the gates of each oil executive’s mansion so that their homes may be entered at night and they may be murdered in their sleep. An appendix is included with instructions on how to bash in a skull with a hammer if the bullets run out. It may not seem like a lot on its own, but if everyone comes together and does their part, we can make a tremendous difference.” At press time, sources confirmed no one had bothered to read the report.

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acdha
12 days ago
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The last sentence…
Washington, DC
angelchrys
11 days ago
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Overland Park, KS
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KCPD Snatches Random Black Teen Off the Street, Falsely Accuses Him of Murder, Then Quietly Lets Him Go After 3 Months

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For three agonizing months, L.M., a Black teenager, sat behind bars in a Kansas City juvenile detention facility, accused of a crime he did not commit. He was charged with second-degree murder, attempted motor vehicle theft, and armed criminal action in connection to the killing of Shaun Brady, a beloved local chef and co-owner of Brady & Fox Restaurant and Lounge. 

But after months of trauma and terror, the Jackson County Family Court quietly dropped the charges, admitting they had “got the wrong kid.”

A Rush to Judgment: KCPD’s Violent Racial Profiling in Action

On August 28, Shaun Brady was fatally shot behind his restaurant after attempting to intervene with two teenagers allegedly attempting to steal a car. Brady’s death sent shockwaves through Kansas City’s business community, particularly in Brookside, where his restaurant was a community staple. 

Within days, Kansas City Police arrested L.M. and another teen, K.H., pinning the murder on them with what appears to have been little more than a hasty effort to calm public outrage.

Scott Lauck, a spokesman for the Jackson County Family Court, confirmed that all charges against L.M. were dropped but declined to provide further details, citing the court’s jurisdiction over juvenile matters. 

Meanwhile, Kansas City Police Department spokesman Sgt. Phillip DiMartino said only that the case remains an open investigation. Neither the police nor the court offered a meaningful explanation for why a teenager was wrongfully accused, incarcerated, and ripped away from his family for months.

“What I’m saying is they got the wrong kid,” L.M.’s defense attorney, Matthew Merryman, stated bluntly. “You know this case generated a ton of local and international attention and when the public outrage is so high,” Merryman said, “there is a rush to find someone and hold them accountable. Here there was a rush to judgment and L.M. was just the first Black kid they found to pin that judgment on.”

Merryman described the ordeal as an excruciating journey for L.M. and his family. “He was ripped away from his family, his intramural sports, his school, and job opportunities,” Merryman said.

“Get Your Child Before I Have To”: How Dangerous Rhetoric Targets Black Youth

The case against L.M. rested on flimsy evidence, and public officials have provided no accountability for how this grave error occurred, or what will be done to KCPD to rectify it. 

Instead, the Kansas City Police Department and the court have offered little more than a collective shrug, while the prosecutor-elect, Melesa Johnson, fanned the flames of criminalizing rhetoric. 

Following the arrests, the incoming Prosecutor-elect declared in a scathing Instagram video, “To the parents of these juveniles, listen, don’t be mad at me, because I’m giving you a chance to get your child before I have to, because you don’t want me in the equation.”

The horrifying violence that L.M. endured was no isolated incident, rather, it served as a prime example of how Kansas City’s criminal legal system operates. 

Black people make up nearly 70% of the city’s jail population, despite being roughly 25% of its residents. If L.M. hadn’t had access to a robust legal defense, he would without a doubt still be sitting in that cell, branded a murderer and facing the prospect of spending the rest of his life in prison.

How Many More? The Silent Epidemic of Black Kids Lost to the System

How many Black boys and men are still in jails because of these racist practices of KCPD, we must ask ourselves? It’s a haunting question—and one that should make every Kansas Citian reconsider the narratives they’ve been incessantly barraged with about public safety and justice.

This case also highlights the urgency of abolitionist movements in Kansas City. Organizations like Decarcerate KC, Operation Liberation, and Reale Justice Network have long sounded the alarm about the dangers of criminalizing rhetoric and the inherent racism of policing, which originally began as slave patrol. 

These organizations are calling for alternatives to incarceration and vehemently oppose the construction of the proposed new $800 million jail, which would be sure to exacerbate such injustices and make them even more commonplace.

While L.M. is now home, his youth and childhood have been ravaged by a torment that can never be undone. The fear, isolation, and despair he experienced during his wrongful incarceration are immeasurable, and even some monetary payout would be little justice for what he experienced. 

For every L.M. who makes it out, countless others remain trapped in a system designed to destroy them.

The police may say, “Our bad,” but this is not just about them. Politicians, public figures, and even members of the Black bourgeoisie who parrot criminalizing rhetoric all share responsibility for the violence inflicted on our children.

This is why abolition is not just an ideal but a necessity. It is a call to dismantle the systems that dehumanize, cage, and brutalize our people. And it’s a demand for a world where no more children are ripped from their families and criminalized for simply existing.

The post KCPD Snatches Random Black Teen Off the Street, Falsely Accuses Him of Murder, Then Quietly Lets Him Go After 3 Months appeared first on The Kansas City Defender.



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angelchrys
13 days ago
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KCPD continues to be awful
Overland Park, KS
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